Hello Human, I'm a Stink Bug. I just arrived in your country a few years ago from China. Some friends and I stowed away inside a shipping crate one day and somehow ended up in a place called Allentown, I've heard it's somewhere in Pennsylvania (whatever that is). It's not important though because we absolutely love it here! So much in fact that we plan to stay whether you like it or not! Besides, there's not much you can do about it anyway. Being deported is not high on our list of things to be concerned about.
Since our arrival it's taken some time to really get established in our new homeland, but things are looking up. Being the fun-loving type, our population has grown by leaps and bounds. In fact, reports from the front tell us that we have already established ourselves in at least 28 other counties besides Lehigh , and even taken some new territories like Maryland and New Jersey… wherever they are.
One thing I don't understand though, is why do you call us "Stink Bugs"? Sure we have these glands on our stomachs which spray a liquid when we feel threatened, but we think it smells good. Apparently you don't agree. Either way this defense mechanism works pretty well for us. But don't tell anybody - it's really harmless! And this rumor going around about us biting people is completely false. Have you looked at the size of our heads? Our mouths are so small we couldn't bite people if we wanted to! Give me a break!
The only downside about our new country is how cold it gets in the Winter. Wow it gets cold here! This is why we try to get into your nests - or houses as you call them - so we can hibernate. I don't like to brag but it's so easy to enter your houses it's unbelievable. I can crawl under a door or window, through small cracks in you foundation, or get in through just about any opening available. I shouldn't be telling you this though, next thing you know you guys will be patching or sealing all those openings and putting properly fitting sweeps on the bottoms of your doors. But I never said I was smart, just a creative opportunist!
I totally love it here in the Spring and Summer though. My mate will go out and lay 20 to 30 eggs on the underside of leaves in the Spring. By late Fall our kids will be big enough to join us inside your house for a long winters' nap. And the abundance and variety of food here is tremendous! We absolutely love fruit and vegetable plants. We'll all meet anywhere we can find such culinary delights. It's like a never-ending picnic!
But since we don't like the hot sun, lots of times we'll crawl under a deck or porch until it cools down a bit. Fact is, we'll crawl under just about anything that will provide us with a little shade. But don't tell anybody. Next thing you know people will be spraying those icky pesticides in those areas and we'll have to move on.
I've said enough, Later Dude!
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